by Bari Lyman

The other day, a member of the Meet To Marry community asked me if it was really necessary to have a formal plan in order to date to marry.

In her words, “Shouldn’t we just let things happen?”

And I totally get why she’d ask that.

After all, that’s how love happens in the movies all the time. When two people meet and fall for each another on the big screen, everything happens to them. It’s fate. Destiny. And it’s romantic and magical and everything they could ever wish for.

But the fact is, real life doesn’t happen that way.

After all, everything in life takes a certain amount of work, and relationships are no exception.

Dating is a number’s game. Which means you have to put yourself out there—time and again. And not only that, but you need to date in a structured and inspired way so that you can be in the right place, at the right time, and recognize Mr. or Mrs. Right when they cross your path.

That requires three things:

  1. You, being open and ready for love—and free and clear of anything that could get in your way. If you have dating blind spots, or you’re pining over someone from the past, you won’t have enough space in your heart for someone new. That kind of regret kicks you out of the present and prevents you from moving forward in your love life.
  2. A vision of what you want your future to look like—and the person you want to share that future with.
  3. A plan to bring that vision to life.

This way, you get to date in a way that’s fun and inspired and more likely to lead to a lifetime of happiness with the person who’s right for you.

You might not think that making a plan to marry sounds romantic, but of course it’s romantic! After all, you get to visualize your future with your true love.

Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And other people say, “What happened?”

The question is, which will you be?