The choice to have a second date… is YOURS!
There’s no group more familiar with unsolicited, but well-intentioned advice than singles. The advice you often receive from friends and loved ones can be downright annoying, or hurtful and can cause you to want to retreat and avoid dating or talking about it altogether.
Why can’t people just leave you be?
A big part of the frustration is riding the roller coaster–the highs and lows of the dating process. It is exciting to meet new people and disappointing when there is no connection.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
Belief it or not, dating can be fun. . . and empowering. Especially when you know what you want and need in a relationship and you’re in the driver’s seat . When you have a clear vision, you’re feeling empowered, you begin to understand know what resonates with you, This empowerment gives you the freedom of choosing whether you want to go out again on a second date or take a pass, and that makes all the difference between feeling good about your decision or feeling stuck
When you have the confidence to say no to a second date, that feels super empowering. . and will help you to build the confidence in choosing what feels right for you!
Unfortunately, saying no to a second date is only half the challenge. You know what is coming next and are not looking forward it. As you drift off to sleep that night, there are visions of text messages and voicemails filling up your phone from your well meaning friends and family…
- ”How did it go?”
- “What was he like?”
- “What did you guys talk about?”
- “What did he wear?”
- “Is he tall?”
And the biggest questions of all, “Do you like him? Are you going to see him again?”
After every date, you know you are going to get grilled. That’s a given. However, once you tell them that you are not interested in a second date, they say things like “You only spent half an hour with him” or “You really need to give him a chance” or “But he came from so far away. Are you sure you don’t want to give it some more time?”
Here we go again.
They really do mean well. They want what’s best for you and they think they are helping, try not to allow all of their “good intentions” pressure you into situations that are not healthy for you You know what you want. You have finally taken control of your dating. You have been working with a great mentor and she has helped you create a vision of what the future will look like for you. You are tired of settling for guys that are just “alright.” and you aren’t going to do it anymore.
Be confident and bold.
When one of your well meaning friends or family members asks about your dates, just be honest with them. Say something like “I appreciate your concern, but I know what I want. I have been working with a mentor and she has helped me create a clear vision of my future and how to find it. One date is all I need to clearly know whether I want a second date. I’ll keep you posted when there is news.”
It is certainly important to have a support system around you, but you need to create boundaries for them. Once you do that, those post-date conversations will be much easier. Remember to believe in yourself, assert that new found confidence.
Confidence can be like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets! You know what you want and need from a relationship – you are in control.