Lately, I’ve been talking with so many people who are plagued by self-doubt in their love lives. What’s so incredibly frustrating is that these insecurities are preventing them from achieving their most important goals. They’re sabotaging themselves.

Let’s consider the case of Jana, who’s been dreaming of finding a smart, confident, trustworthy guy who truly “gets” her and with whom she can enjoy a really deep level of emotional and intellectual connection. She’s a smart, well-educated, self-aware social worker who is very dynamic and giving.

So you’re probably wondering. . .what’s the problem? Why isn’t she finding her match?

Well, Jana’s doing all the right things. She dates a lot, networks, and puts herself in the right place to meet men, but she gets the same unsatisfying results year in and year out.

She tends to feel a strong connection with the guys in one area, but not another. Usually what happens is that she finds really good guy—an attractive man who is thoughtful and trustworthy—but the intellectual connection is missing.

Jana dated her last boyfriend on and off for two years. He looked great on paper and really wanted to marry her, but she always felt something was missing. He was a quiet guy and never really wanted to enter into conversations with her about the movies they were watching or the things they were doing. These intellectual conversations were really important for her, and she knew it wasn’t going to work out with him, but she stayed.

Why? Because she was riddled with self-doubt.

What was even more frustrating to her was that she knew she had a problem with doubting herself, but she just couldn’t figure out the root of this insecurity and how it connected to her habit of finding good men who couldn’t fulfill her intellectual needs.

Can you relate?

Are you having trouble attracting someone who possesses all of the qualities that matter most to you? Are you starting to feel that maybe you’re being too picky and should lower your standards? Are you at a loss in terms of getting to the essence of these challenges and then dissolving them?

If so, don’t despair.

There are three things you can do right now to start conquering your self-doubt and clearing the path to finding “the one.”


We all know the definition of insanity. It’s when you keep doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. If you’re plagued by self-doubt and just keep letting it dictate your life, nothing’s going to change.

Realize that your lack of self-confidence is actually causing you to attract people who support your insecurities. What’s more important to you? Your self-doubt or your dream of meeting and marrying your perfect match? If you really want to meet “the one,” it’s time to let go of the self-doubt, which is costing you an emotional fortune.

So how do you do this?

For the next three days, I want you to make a conscious decision to feel completely confident in one particular area of your life.

You might want to start by allowing yourself to feel totally confident in your physical appearance. Imagine what it would be like to feel this kind of confidence. What sensations would you experience? What kind of clothing would you wear? How would you carry yourself and interact with others? Visualize it as fully and as vividly as you can. Then, step into that confidence. On the second day, continue feeling that confidence and add a new area into the mix. Maybe you want to exude confidence in terms of your career. If you’re not doing what you love, imagine how it would feel if you were. Speak with people who are doing what you really want to be doing. Or imagine yourself having more flexibility in your career or earning more money.

Go for it and let me know what happens.


Starting with yourself is one of the essential features of the Meet to Marry™ method, but it’s really important to surround yourself with as much positivity as you can in order to counteract your insecurities.

Jana is fortunate to have many great friends, but many of them are in her same situation, and when they get together, they often complain about the dating scene and focus on their negativity about their prospects. What happens is that this negativity winds up dragging her down and bringing her back to this nagging, gnawing sense that she’s not worthy of the kind of full, amazing love she needs. During our private coaching sessions, we talked about ways that she could become a cheerleader for change by encouraging her friends to take on a new attitude of seeing their situations through a positive lens. This turned out to be a wonderful experience for Jana and her friends. They got even closer with each other through this new focus.

Try it for yourself and see what happens!


Stepping into your confidence and cultivating a positive environment can make a huge difference in helping you triumph over the self-doubt that is sabotaging your goal of finding true love. However, sometimes we all need additional support, especially when we’re feeling stuck.

Jana came to me because she got to a breaking point where she just knew things had to change, but she was so stuck in her patterns and couldn’t figure out how to bust out of the unsatisfying rut. Actually, she reached out to me a year earlier, but she just wasn’t ready yet. She didn’t see how much her self-doubt was costing her in terms of her love life. But when, 12 months later, she still found herself in the same situation, she took charge of the situation and we started working together.

The first two tips were especially useful to her as was our work on identifying and dissolving her blind spot. Her blind spot was the root cause of her self-doubt as it manifested itself in both her love life and her career.

If you feel that you’re ready to blast through whatever is getting in your way of finding true love, you might want to consider scheduling a complimentary Breakthrough to Love Session with me. In just one hour, we can get to the root of your self-doubt (or other blockage) and get you on your own clear path to love.

Image: ©maurus/