I want to share with you an email I recently received from a client who’s really anxious about her job and wants my advice on how to handle this challenging situation in relation to her dating. 

Do you ever feel the way she does about your external circumstances?

QUESTION: I’m one of the sales directors for a major chain, and I’m not making my quota this year. . .not even close! Unfortunately, the company isn’t taking market challenges into consideration and is laying off people. Unfortunately, I’m on the fast track for this and am feeling frantic. I worry constantly. I’ve been doing everything you recommend (and more) to stay positive, but I feel like guys can still sense my anxiety. I just feel like all this is written all over my face. . .no matter what I do or how happy I come off.

I went on a date with this guy who I’m really interested in and thought everything went well. On the date, I was super vague when we discussed careers and stayed upbeat. He suggested we go out this weekend and even gave me a sweet kiss at the end of the date. I have yet to hear from him. I keep telling myself it’s okay and not to take it personally, but I just don’t handle rejection well at all, and with everything else going on, have been a complete mess this week.

Should I put dating on hold for a while until things work themselves out in terms of my professional life. . .even if that’s the last thing I want to do?

ANSWER: I’m sorry to hear about your situation, but there’s a big distinction you need to take on and own.

Your career and “not meeting your quota” and possibly getting laid off do not define who you are. These are just circumstances—nothing more.

Circumstances don’t define you. . .or your worth.

Everyone has things to deal with…good days, bad days. Wins, losses. So what?

You are valuable and lovable even if you’re not meeting your quota.

You shouldn’t be super vague or feel the need to pretend about anything when you’re on a date. Share who you are and your vision. Share what you do and how you’re in the process of looking for a better position.

Authenticity is so attractive.

The people who successfully meet and marry have courage and are self-loving, regardless of their circumstances. You have to know that you are lovable, just because.

Spend time with positive people, make a gratitude list, and remind yourself on a daily basis how valuable you are by using affirmations like “I am lovable and valuable. I deserve love because I am a human being. My circumstances do not define who I am.”

In short, the happier and more confident, authentic and vulnerable you are, the sooner you’ll meet the one.

There’s no need to put the rest of your life on hold while you’re going through this experience!


Are you letting external circumstances get in your way of dating? What’s one internal shift you can make right now to turn the situation around?

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