A woman in my Finding The One course recently asked me this question: 

“There are tons of `events’ in DC, but I don’t want to go by myself. The problem is that all of my single girlfriends are the “girl-next-door/could-be-a-model/really good looking” type that guys FLOCK to.  Whenever I go out with them, I’m not the one who gets talked up, definitely lowering my odds. They are really good people and wonderful friends, but it ultimately reinforces my feeling of not being good enough.  What do you recommend in this situation?”

Before getting into the details, I just want to point out that the woman who sent me this note looks like a model herself.

Unfortunately, though, she lacks genuine confidence in herself.

All of her insecurities bubble up to the surface when she goes out to singles events with her friends.

She’s not alone!

Lots of single women and men experience these kinds of insecurities, so this week I’m sharing my advice for dealing with them.


Take a step back to gain perspective on the situation.

Are the men flocking to your friend the kind of men you’d really be interested in?  Maybe.  Maybe not.

Perhaps these guys are just acting on their physical attraction to your friend.  There’s nothing inherently wrong with that.  After all, we’re all drawn to different types of people.

It’s also possible that these guys are sensing a deeper connection with your friend.  That’s okay, too.

You are going to find the perfect match for yourself, so don’t spend your time worrying about your friend and the guys she’s attracting.

Are you just standing around passively waiting for guys to come up to you?  If so, it’s time for you to start initiating conversations with the guys to whom you feel drawn.

Honestly, going out with your beautiful friends isn’t going to lower your odds of finding “The One.” 

Remember, you don’t need to meet hundreds of men.  You only need to meet that one special person.

If you radiate the kind of confidence that comes from true self-love and acceptance, you’re destined to meet your match because you’ll be attracting people who value–and celebrate–who you are.

However, if your internal dialogue keeps telling you that you’re not good enough and dredges up painful memories of being the last to be chosen for your third-grade soccer team or being laughed at for getting the answer wrong in math class, you’re not living your life as the beautiful, warm, loving, kind woman that you are.  You’ll also be exuding negative energy (even if you’re smiling on the outside), which repels rather than attracts.

True love is an inside job and begins by loving ourselves as we are and continuing to perfect ourselves.  We must “be the one” before we find the one.

If my client were physically more beautiful than her friends but didn’t feel it inside, it wouldn’t matter if she had a modeling contract with a top agency.  She’d still repel the right guys.

We have see ourselves and others without judgment and through a clear lens.

Here’s the bottom line. . . .

You can either go out by yourself or you can choose to go out with your friends with a fresh, new perspective.

I prefer that you go out there filled with self-love and confidence and with the wisdom to know that you’re hot and there is a plan for you.

Who cares about who is FLOCKING to your friends?

We don’t even know if they are marriage minded or what they are looking for.

You are looking for the special person who will be the one for you.

It’s your energy and vibration that will make the biggest difference in terms of who you attract. 

So what are you going to do to change your perspective and have an amazing time this summer as you accelerate your meet to marry journey?

Image: ©darrenmbaker/bigstock.com