Making statements like red-headed women “shouldn’t be talking let alone getting a date” and yelling at clients to do things her way, Patti Stanger has no trouble stirring up controversy to fuel her fifth season of the Bravo show “Millionaire Matchmaker.”
But Patti is a dating coach with a dangerously skewed outlook on love and marriage. In fact, she could actually use some coaching of her own.
Though she has the opportunity to elevate the dating experience, she instead chooses to contribute to the negativity, frustration and confusion singles already experience. Maybe taking some Meet to Marry™ principles to heart could help the couples she works with find lifetime love—or help her find it for herself!
The Problem with Superficiality as a Starting Point
Too many modern dating approaches start with superficiality: Patti, for instance, asks her clients whether they’d rather have looks or money.
Placing an emphasis on income or appearances is a surefire way to build a shaky foundation for a marriage. This matchmaker—who’s never actually been married herself—doesn’t ask singles anything about an emotional bond, common vision, values or goals.
Wouldn’t it be more powerful to ask deeper questions like, “What is most important to you in someone you will build your life with?”
Instead, Patti (like too many others) says passion should be everyone’s number one priority. She said her last, six-year relationship ended because they weren’t on the same page on some major issues (something marriage-minded singles can avoid by having meaningful conversations from day one) and because they both grew complacent.
But passion, love and understanding don’t just disappear one day! They need to be nurtured on a daily basis.
Happy couples generate love and passion through positive rituals, special time together, generosity and a deliberate commitment to seeing each other as new every day. Healthy relationships require effort every day—but it pays off.
Where to Find Love—Apparently Not NYC
“New York is just not a suitable environment for finding a husband,” Patti said when speaking about how happy she was that her show moved to shooting in Los Angeles.
In New York City—with 8 million people—there really aren’t any men who would make great husbands?
“Women need to get out of New York City,” she continued, citing a disproportionate men-to-women ratio. “There are five women to one guy, and as long as they hold the cards, they’re not going to get married. The problem is that men there know they have the power over you, where in LA it’s 50-50.”
There are certain things all singles need to do if they want to get married, but relocating is not one of them—especially from one of the largest metropolitan areas in the country! What Patti—and many other singles who conclude that their struggle is location-based—isn’t recognizing is that marriage-ready singles can find love anywhere in the world.
It’s because they are happy, clear and connected to themselves and their needs that marriage-minded singles are able to meet people regardless of their geographic coordinates.
Real People Have Real Choices
Patti, like many other modern relationship “experts,” promotes seriously flawed thinking with the idea that focusing on outward elements (how you look, what you do, things you own) should be a primary point of focus when dating.
While it’s important to look and feel our best, do only perfect people find love? Or is it more likely that people who feel good about themselves and understand what they want in a partner find lasting love?
Let’s make those questions a little more personal. Ask yourself this: Do you want to be with someone because of money and good looks for short-term thrills? Or would you rather find someone who will share your life’s mission and vision, someone who will love and adore you as you are, who views success as a happy marriage?
You get to choose.