When it comes to dating, women waste no time putting the blame on men in their relationships—or lack thereof. It’s men that don’t show an interest, men that are only looking for sex and men that avoid making a commitment of any kind—especially marriage.

But are men really the problem?

Popular culture has changed the way we think about dating. Once deemed by both men and women as the means to creating a lifelong marriage, dating has turned into an unfair game.

We have been bombarded with messages that portray a man as a two-dimensional, insensitive “commitment-phobe” who couldn’t possibly want to spend the rest of his life with just one woman.

But that’s not reality! I recently gave a talk in South Beach, Florida to discuss my book, Meet to Marry: A Dating Revolution for the Marriage Minded, and what it means to be a marriage-minded single.

About 90 percent of those who came out to the event were men. Attractive, smart and wide-ranging in age, these men were all looking for the same thing you are: “the One.”

Despite what pop culture wants you to believe, men do want to make a commitment. In fact, I often hear men express the same struggles women do when it comes to relationships. You may think that men are shallow, unrealistic and closed off, but did you ever consider that women can appear the same way to them?

Throughout my experience as a dating coach, I have repeatedly been told that men feel as though women don’t see them for who they really are and are only looking to fulfill unrealistic expectations.

But the reality is that men are unique and wonderful individuals. They have a lot to offer in relationships and desire to create the same meaningful connections you do.

So why is it that you’re still giving in to the lie that men are the problem? It’s likely you’ve neglected to look at the most important part of the equation: you.

What you think and how you feel are directly related to the kind of people you attract in your life. Just because you haven’t found “the One” doesn’t mean he isn’t out there. Your dating reality will begin to change when you do. Start attracting the people you do want in your life by understanding who you are and what you want so that you can “Be the One to Find the One.”