Attracting, cultivating, and sustaining extraordinary love relationships requires you to be really selfless? Right?


I’m not saying that you have to be selfish and think only of yourself.

But you do need to be self-centered.

This is one of the big issues we explore in the self-paced online Finding The One course and in private coaching sessions.


Because most single men and women don’t take very good care of themselves.

But you probably wouldn’t realize they don’t just by looking at them.

Let me give you two examples.

One man in my private concierge coaching program has a remarkable educational background, is extremely successful at investment banking, wears the best clothes, is impeccably groomed, and drives an expensive luxury car. He looks like he’s got it all and that he’s taking of himself. . .taking care of himself quite well.

A woman in one of the recent rounds of Finding The One also has an incredible educational background, is at the top of her game as a litigation lawyer, and is saving lots of money so she can retire young. Every Sunday morning, you’ll find her at the gym running 10 miles on the treadmill and then, after showering, getting her weekly manicure. Again, it seems like she’s doing really well, taking great care of herself.

But the truth of the matter is that neither one of them is truly tending to themselves.

They’re not nurturing their inner lives and souls. . .and it’s hurting their love lives. The same is true for virtually every one of the singles with whom I’ve worked.

So what do you have to do?

Well, when dating and meeting new people, you need to feel your best, so you resonate positive energy, authentic happiness, and self-confidence from the inside out.

You can’t fake it. You can’t depend exclusively on external things like looking good.

If you want to attract loving, emotionally healthy people into your life, you’ve got to radiate this inner exuberance from the inside out.

Radiating this positivity and happiness requires engaging in radical self-love and self-care.

In other words, you’ve got to be self-centered. You’ve got to know yourself and take care of yourself.

Are you challenged in this way?

Do you have a hard time taking care of yourself and focusing on you and your needs and desires?

You might want to check out Cheryl Richardson’s The Art of Extreme Self-Care.

Can you relate to how she describes feeling (at first) as though this form of self-care was “arrogant and selfish, practiced by people who had an inappropriate sense of entitlement”?

At the urging of her personal coach, Richardson had to stop just taking the occasional “weekend off from helping others,” so she could “enjoy some downtime.” In fact, her coach had her schedule time for herself every day for six months! And this forced her to finally challenge “a legacy of self-sacrifice and overgiving” that had been “passed down” to her “by generations of women” in her family—“the same legacy that confounds so many women even now.” In her book, Richardson provides step-by-step guidance for engaging in this radical self-love.

You know I’m a huge fan of the awesome Kris Carr.

She recently published a great blog post called “My Crazy Sexy Self Care Planner” in which she describes what self care is and isn’t. It’s a must-read, and you can download the self-care planner that will give you “a snapshot of what a week of nourishing your mind, body and spirit will look like, along with a few suggestions to get you started.”

So check them out and let me know what you think!

If you want totally customized support creating an extreme self-love routine for yourself that is directly related to helping you meet and marry this year, sign up for a Breakthrough to Love Session!

Image: ©Ivelin Radkov/