Pamela was clear that she wanted to marry a Jewish man, but the Jewish community where she lives in Bogota, Colombia was small, and she complained that the men she’d met online from the US just didn’t take her seriously as a dating option.
So often singles feel like they’ve exhausted all of the dating possibilities in their area, and now they’re stuck. But this is rarely true. Your perfect match could be passing through town, new to the area, or even already connected to someone you know, like the brother of a new friend.
Which raises the question:
If you’re marriage-minded and really looking for someone to spend your life with, does it even make sense to date someone long distance?
You may be surprised to hear this . . . but the answer is YES.
Why? Because your perfect match could be anywhere.
Who knows, you could be a great match with someone who happens to currently live somewhere else.
The goal, of course, is not to date long distance for a long time. Nobody wants an endless long distance relationship.
The goal is to find the right one and merge lives.
Just because right now you live here and they live there, that doesn’t mean it always has to be that way. I’d like you to open to the possibility that your ideal partner would move in order to be with you! Or, if your situation allows, maybe you’d be open to moving.
Have the mindset that your perfect match can be ANYWHERE can really open things up—especially when you know how to approach it. And with technology like Facetime, Skype etc, you can start getting to know someone just as well as you would if you were sitting across from each other at a coffee shop.
The key is being clear.
You never know where your ideal partner could be.
If you’re ready to open to that mindset, here are a few practical ways to put it in action:
1. Share your specific situation and what you’re open to—in your dating profile, and to others.
If you’re open to relocation, express that, and explain why. Maybe you have a sister in Phoenix or a best friend in Houston, or maybe you’re open to moving to a warmer climate.
For example, Peggy, who lives in Florida, couldn’t move because she had to keep an eye on her 90 year old mother, but said she’d be open to change in the future. Peggy’s husband moved from Portland, Oregon to join her in Florida (he loved the warmer weather) and they just celebrated 2 years of blissful marriage. But if she wasn’t open and hadn’t expressed that, she wouldn’t have met him.
2. Think of a place you’d consider living, do searches in that area, and book a trip.
Do a search on dating sites and connect with people who seem like they might be a good match. In your profile you’ve already expressed that you’re open to relocation. Depending on the site, you may be able to search on that criteria to find people who are open to that as well. Or, you can just ask!
3. Make a dating plan for while you’re there.
Have a date in mind to visit that location—that makes it real. That way you can say, “I’ll be in your area in 2 weeks.” Connect on Skype first, and if you sense a connection, set up coffee dates. Have fun with this part!
This really can work.
Joanna lives in LA. Joel lives in Manchester. They met on a swipe site and she said to him “You live in Manchester, and I live in LA, how can this work?” He said “Well, I can move,” and she said, “I can move, too.” And that began a relationship that led to daily chat and meeting in person . . . and they’ll be getting engaged soon.
Oh, and Pamela? She went ahead and planned a trip to the US. She met with 5 men that she had chatted with over Skype, and when one of those men turned out to be The One, they both knew. Why? Because when it’s right it will flow.
Does your dating profile reflect whether you’re open to relocation? In fact, does it reflect who you truly are in a beautifully vulnerable and authentic way? I’m not just talking about listing your interests. A powerful, compelling profile is much, much more, and will get you WAY better results.
Maybe it’s time to take another look at it.
To love—wherever it lives.
-Bari
