This is the kind of problem that can really derail you.
You’re trying to move on from past break-ups.
Doing your best to focus on the future.
Avoiding those nagging “what-ifs” at the back of your head.
But someone you dated simply will not leave you alone. You ended it, but he or she will not get the message. How do you handle this? And, how do you handle it without it taking a toll on you?
Listen to my advice to a Meet to Marry client:
Share your thoughts on the Meet to Marry Facebook page, or email me at Bari@meettomarry.com
I was in a 10 year relationship I became very codependent. This man was mentally abusive. Unfaithful controlling. He broke up with me 104 times only to talk me back. His manipulation has become a way of life for me. He broke up in Jan. He had another women. We have 3 homes and a lot of history. He is trying his best to convince me I broke up with him to. He worries what people will say and he would look bad. He has each month wanted to work our relationship out. I am having a hard time with so many mixed emotions I really need to let my lawyer work for me and cut off any communication with this man. I have done the things you mentioned. How do I not engage with him. Deb
Debra,
Thanks for sharing that.
I understand what a long journey it’s been with this man and the history you have. And, there comes a point when you have to draw a line in the sand and decide that you’re not “dancing” the dysfunctional dance any longer. While yes, your lawyer can handle much of it–and even to have a restraining order, it’s really going to be an internal choice that you’re going to have to make that regardless of what he wants (and does to try to get manipulate you back in) that you’re done! I mean done. You know you’re done when you’re not upset or concerned about what he says or does or thinks (or what anyone else thinks for that matter–and so much of what you’re describing are mind games)–and you’re clear and firmed grounded that you’re moving on powerfully. That takes a powerful stand for yourself to clear out the inner space within you — and to change the dialogue internally from the past.
In my experience it’s almost impossible to do alone. When I was in your position, I needed specific help and support from my mentor after a lifetime of this kind of mindset. If you would like to create a plan to do that and move forward in your life, feel free to email me at bari@meettomarry.com and we can jump on a Breakthrough To Love strategy session and make it happen!
Thanks for your courage and for reaching out.
Warmly,
Bari