Just the other day, someone shared that she purchased a paid membership on a dating site. She’s “not sure about the caliber of people on this particular site, but it probably beats the caliber on another site I was on.”

When I hear this I cringe.


When people relate to dating sites and their members this way (and believe me, most people do), it’s their thinking that’s flawed–not the sites.

You see, in my Meet to Marry™ world, miracles happen almost daily. After many years of struggling to find The One, people just like the woman mentioned above get started in a Meet to Marry™ program and within a year, the unbelievable occurs…. Meet to Marry participants find their true love. And where do they find these people? On exactly the same dating sites they were before. You know–those very same sites supposedly peopled by poor “caliber” singles.

It happened to me. It can happen to you, too. But you have to shift your thinking, first, and follow that with totally new action…and an inspired plan.

5 fast ways to change your experience on dating sites:

  1. Don’t judge the venue. They’re all great. Why? Because they are where the singles are! There are thousands of singles on these sites, often right where you live. Look at this way: Dating sites are simply repositories of people. Do sites have limitations and quirks? Of course they do. So what? You just don’t know where or how you’re going to meet your person.
  2. It just takes one. As in life, some people are ready, some are not ready, some want marriage, others don’t. Some people have integrity, and others don’t, but one thing is for sure, dating sites are a great way to meet people. And if you find people on these sites who don’t want what you want, or aren’t where you are, that doesn’t mean they’re poor caliber. It just means they’ll be right for someone else. And your person is waiting for you.
  3. Take responsibility. We attract the people who come into our lives. Most of us date unconsciously because we’re not taught how to find healthy love. And what happens? We attract people who reflect our inner fears and limitations, instead of our possibilities. What does that mean? Intellectually, we know we’re great, warm, wonderful with so much to give, but under the surface there’s often something lurking, a blind spot, that’s creating a pattern that is frustrating! In other words, the poor “caliber” of people (the wrong ones) are coming into your life for a reason–you. And that can change by truly integrating what you know intellectually with what you’re actually expressing in the world.
  4. Words create the world. If you’re negative, skeptical, or judgmental, that’s what you’re attracting. Be careful not to judge the “caliber” of people on dating sites, singles event, or the scene. Words create the world, and we attract what we send out. Shift your thoughts, energy and words to ones that are clear, warm, inspiring, and inviting.
  5. Remember, it’s likely you’ll meet your person on a dating site. Every day, every minute, people meet on that questionable site and on all the others. I met my husband on the same dating site that previously only had emotionally unavailable narcissists. (I was a magnet for wrong people for years, and it seemed like those emotionally unavailable narcissists were everywhere–not just online. But that’s a blog post for another day!) It wasn’t the sites–I needed to change my lens.

So, shift your attitude. This is a far better way to go. I figured, heck, I’m on this dating site, so there must be some other amazing people here, too, right? When I shifted, it worked.

After taking these steps to shift her reality on dating sites, Alisha, a Meet to Marry™ participant, said:

Thank you Bari! This is an amazing point! In the world of jaded singles, it’s so easy to pick these things up, and let judgemental beliefs overtake us. Thank you for keeping us aligned with the empowered vision!

What are you going to do to shift your dating reality? Share your thoughts on the Meet to Marry Facebook page or by emailing me at Bari@meettomarry.com.