“If a someone calls me at the last minute, should I accept the date?”
“My date was twenty minutes late. What should I do?”
I get asked questions like this all the time.
My response is simple: Don’t follow superficial rules. Live by principles that resonate with you.
Everyone is different. We all have different needs and different styles, so celebrate this fact and commit yourself to full self-expression.
I went against the “conventional” dating rules, and it couldn’t have worked out better.
I FOUND MY AMAZING HUSBAND BY BREAKING THE RULES
So here’s the scoop.
I found Michael while searching through dating profiles on JDate and contacted him on a Thursday.
After a brief conversation that really flowed, we decided to meet at some point in the late afternoon on Friday. We were playing the time by ear. That worked for me because my busy company and lifestyle demanded a bit of flexibility, and it worked well for him, too.
Conventional dating advice warns you should turn down dates with people who don’t pursue you in a more elaborate way or given you more advance notice. You’re supposed to make it look like your free time is filled up. You’re supposed to play a game.
Thankfully, my husband didn’t follow these rules.
We spoke during the early part of Friday afternoon and agreed to meet at 5:00 pm at a café in Delray Beach—right across from the ocean.
But. . . .
When I arrived at the appointed time, Michael wasn’t there.
He was late.
I decided to leave a voicemail on his cell phone and hang out for a while as I enjoyed a glass of sparkling water. After waiting fifteen minutes, I decided to leave.
It wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t have any negative feelings. Plus, I had plans to attend an exciting singles Shabbat dinner in Miami Beach.
Three minutes after driving away, my phone rings.
It was him.
“Bari, I’m so sorry that I’m late, but I’m here now and the waiter told me you already left. I’m so sorry. . . .I was stuck on a call with client.”
I could have shut him down. I could have followed the rule that dictates that you don’t go out with someone who leaves you waiting like this. You’ll look desperate.
But. . . .
I turned around because I felt so connected to him during our initial call.
And the fact of the matter was I wasn’t desperate.
I was open, curious, excited about my life, and had a full pipeline of dates.
When I saw him standing in front of the café, I said to myself: “Wow, he’s really handsome. I’m excited to meet him.” He jumped into my car, and we drove a block away to park my car next to his.
The conversation flowed.
I felt inspired by him. I loved his personality, sensitivity, and warmth.
Thankfully, I didn’t follow the traditional dating rules.
We’re celebrating our ten-year wedding anniversary this August!
If I eliminated him for being late, who knows what my life would look like today.
MY ADVICE FOR YOU
Date with principles and live in a way that works for you.
Be fully open to the miracles that life holds for you.
You never know if the woman who contacts you at the last minute. . .or the guy who is a little late. . .really is your perfect match—the one you’ve been waiting for!
1. Honor your style and preferences.
We all have different styles and preferences. What works for you, might not work for your friends. So, if you like spontaneity, go with it. If you prefer more notice (perhaps because you’re a single parent and need to line up a babysitter or because you’ve got a ton of other commitments), then schedule dates accordingly.
2. Don’t play games. Express yourself and your preferences.
The people you’re dating aren’t mind readers, so you’ve got to share your preferences.
If you receive a text and it makes you feel unappreciated, text back saying, “It’s great to hear from you, but I prefer speaking on the phone. Please call me ☺”. There’s no need to suffer or complain. If the person is responsive to your needs and requests, that’s great. If not, move on.
3. If it works for you, go with it. Don’t discount someone who surprises you if it works and feels good.
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