A few weeks ago, Sarah, a single woman in her mid-thirties—a beautiful, successful lawyer—asked me a simple but really important question.

She got in touch with me after attending one of the free webinars I hosted before registration opened for the summer round of my group Meet to Marry™ coaching program.

Here’s what she wrote:

“I really enjoyed your presentation and am curious about your course, but wouldn’t I get faster results if I just signed up with a matchmaker who could immediately connect me with matches?”

She’s right.

On the surface, it makes sense.

Matchmakers can very quickly connect you with potential matches, so it seems they can enable you to skip a bunch of steps in your meet to marry journey.

And honestly, who doesn’t want a shortcut to finding “the one”?

Matchmakers are great—they do have impressive wisdom and experience, but. . . .

The problem is that their matches can only be as effective as the information they’re given and that really depends on your own clarity—your own inner wisdom—and your true marriage readiness.


For the past eight years, Sarah’s been dating—searching for her true love—but just hasn’t been having any luck and doesn’t know why.

When she goes out with guys she meets through dating sites, things often start off really well. The physical attraction is almost always mutual, and she often shares similar interests with them. The first three months tend to be like a whirlwind.

Her last boyfriend seemed so right.

They’d meet up for drinks after work, indulging in each other’s favorite sushi restaurants, going to fundraisers, reading the Sunday New York Times on their iPads while sitting in bed drinking cappuccino from the café down the block.

But then, just as she was really starting to get connected to him and sharing with him her feelings, he backed off and told her that he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Since he seemed so great in so many other ways, Sarah stayed with him and though he’d eventually change his mind.

What happened?

A year and a half later, he broke up with her, and she was heartbroken—not just because she loved him, but because once again, she’d wasted so much time.

This wasn’t the first time this happened. The same thing happened with three other boyfriends.

She also had another negative dating pattern that involved getting in relationships with men who didn’t treat her with respect or truly value her unique gifts.

Sarah felt the problem was with the guys and thought maybe a matchmaker could help her find the right ones.

A matchmaker could certainly make it easier for her to connect with good guys, but she’s not ready for one yet.


Sarah has to take a look at what’s going on beneath the surface to understand why she keeps getting into the same two types of relationships, what it is she really wants from a relationship and marriage, and how to actually communicate this vision with the men she meets.

If you’re stuck being single and keep finding yourself in unsatisfying relationships, then you should start by taking these three important steps.


Start by taking a look at your relationship patterns and asking yourself, “What is it about me that may be causing me to attract relationships with people who are not aligned with my goals and who don’t meet my needs?” Just asking yourself that question will help you to see what may be blocking you. Another great way is to ask a close friend his or her opinion. Often, others can recognize the blockages in ourselves that we can’t see.

Still having trouble identifying and dissolving these blockages?  I offer a free 30-minute Breakthrough to Love Session.  Just one online or phone session with me can help you blast through what’s holding you back and spare you the pain of wasting even more precious months and years. Click here to reserve your spot.


Most people don’t have a clear picture of their true needs in a relationship and how they want to live. This lack of clarity forces matchmakers to spend a lot of time engaged in guesswork, which means that you’re less likely to receive the right matches.

Start developing your marriage vision by writing down how you want to feel in a relationship and then creating a vivid, very detailed picture of what you want your future life and partnership to look like.


After you’ve identified your hidden blockages and developed your marriage vision, you need to share it!

Don’t hide the fact that you want to get married or what it is you really need in a relationship. Tell your friends and family what you’re looking for in a relationship as well as the personal qualities you need in a spouse.

When someone suggests a match for you, ask them why—based on what you shared—they feel this will be a person worth meeting.

Sharing your detailed marriage vision gives friends, family members, and matchmakers the kind of information they need to help find your unique match and eliminate unnecessary mystery dating.


What are you going to do this week to identify and dissolve your hidden blockages?  Can you set aside 15 minutes every day this week to look beneath the surface and figure out what’s holding you back?  Let me know!

Also, if you feel the need for special support, sign yourself up for one of my Breakthrough to Love Session so that I can accelerate your meet to marry journey.