by BARI LYMAN
If you’ve ever tried online dating, but given up and thrown your hands in the air after a month or two—frustrated because you failed to meet your match—then you’re not alone.
Whether you feel like all your matches are losers, aren’t marriage minded, only want to sleep with you, never message you back, or simply fail to possess the qualities you’re looking for in a long-term partner, there’s no denying that it can be a disheartening process—especially if you’ve invested time and money and energy in finding The One.
So, the question is: Why don’t they work? And why can’t you find someone who’s great for you?
You’ve likely heard of countless couples who’ve found true love online, so why not you? What are you missing? And what are you doing wrong?
By this point, you’re probably thinking, “It’s not fair! I deserve love as much as the NEXT person!”
And that’s true, by the way—you do. But here’s the heart of the problem:
For some people, online dating sites are like The Matrix.
Have you watched that movie? I know it’s been around a while now. In case you haven’t, here’s the premise: It revolves around the concept that the reality MOST people experience isn’t ACTUALLY reality. Instead, it’s simulated; created by sentient machines to subdue the human population.
(You’ll see where I’m going with this in just a moment.)
A computer programmer, Neo, learns this truth from someone called “Morpheus” who offers him a choice: take the blue pill and remain in the simulated reality, or take the red pill and join a rebellion against the machines alongside others freed from the same dream world:
“You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”
So HOW are online dating sites like The Matrix?
Because the only reason they don’t work is because you can only see a simulated reality—one in which you can’t recognize the good matches in front of you, because you have dating blind spots standing in your way.
Until you free yourself from these blind spots, you’ll never get to experience the love of your dreams.
Take Aaron* for example. A successful, 39-year-old investment banker, he wanted nothing more than to get married to a dynamic, driven, compassionate woman who loved adventure . . . but also wanted to have kids and create a strong, loving family life together.
But Aaron was obsessed with superficial things, like wearing the best clothes, being impeccably groomed, and making sure he had an expensive luxury car. And he found himself attracting the same kind of women—women who were more concerned about wearing Manolo Blahniks and Prada and Louis Vuitton than with cultivating a deep, soulful connection rooted in shared goals and values.
Aaron would date these women for a few months, but they’d dump him as soon as he began letting down his guard and allowing them to see who he really was—behind all that surface stuff.
He had 20 of these relationships in a row (yes, really!), and yet remained convinced that the problem wasn’t him. Instead, he thought that the women he was meeting were somehow shallow.
But the truth was that, for so much of his life, Aaron had been busy hiding the fact that he didn’t feel good enough. He even hid it from himself.
THAT was his blind spot, and it caused him to attract women who reflected how he unconsciously felt about himself.
When Aaron discovered and addressed the issue through coaching, he not only met but married the woman of his dreams . . . within the year.
Just like The Matrix, blind spots are never obvious at first. They’re usually buried in our mindset somewhere and can only be identified when we objectively acknowledge the deep-seated fears that make us feel insecure or less than.
You see, countless couples DO find love online. And they do that for a reason. Because online dating DOES work.
It’s NOT hopeless.
Men and women are finding each other, every day, all around you.
But by allowing yourself to remain closed off to love—and closed off to potential matches—you’re doing yourself a disservice. And you’ll never find yourself closer to your goal of meeting and marrying The One.
When you keep an open mind and an open heart, and stay in touch with the reality of your situation—which is that there IS someone who is right for you out there, and that you DO deserve love—you’ll finally find exactly who you’re looking for.
What has your experience been with dating sites, so far?
Have you given up on them completely? Do you feel like you’d be willing to give them another shot now? And what has been your biggest struggle?
Tell me in the comments. I’m all ears.
