Dear Bari,
I’m feeling a bit depressed. I was emailing with a bunch of guys that I thought were interesting but they turned out to be duds on the phone. In fact, a few of them flaked before we even got a chance to talk!
I know it just takes time and patience, but I’m feeling a bit blue about it.
What could be going on, here?
—Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I truly get the frustration you’re feeling. I used to feel the same way when I was meeting lots of people and no one was the right match for me!
Here’s something I learned, though, and I want you to take it to heart. It’s not that “it takes time and patience.” What it takes is a new mindset, that there IS a person for you, and that you’re bound to attract him very soon—as long as you have the inner space to welcome the right one!
What do I mean by inner space? Sometimes we have things blocking us from believing—fears, regrets, incompletions—and we may or may not realize they exist. But one thing is sure: if they exist either consciously or unconsciously, they can block you from attracting the right people despite all of your efforts. So if you’re feeling stuck or blocked, it’s important to check in on your inner space.
Once these inner things are cleared, then we can look at another important aspect of attracting the right one — your dating profile.
What you’re describing tells me that your dating profile isn’t attracting people who are truly aligned with your values. Which means that these people aren’t aligned with the real you! That’s why the conversation only goes so far and then things fizzle out.
Take another look at your profile. Are you just describing your interests and then saying you want to find someone with similar interests? Or are your real values reflected there in an open, vulnerable way?
There’s a big difference between saying, “I want to meet someone to go out dancing with” and “Having kids is really important to me, and I’m looking for a man who wants to share the deep connection of raising a family together.”
And of course you can guess which of those is more compelling to someone who wants what you want on a deeper level. 😉
When your values match, interests don’t matter as much.
I go more into depth with this in my Ultimate Dating Profile Blueprint. Download it HERE and pay special attention to Step 1, which is all about communicating your values in your profile. I strongly believe you’ll be attracting a whole new type of man into your life.
It’s okay to be blue—it’s an opportunity to really check in and examine on a deeper level how you can shift your experience and feel much more empowered.
Just give yourself a hug, take another look at your inner space and your energy. Do you have fear, regrets or incompletions from the past affecting your ability to be fully present, and relaxed and going with flow of things?
With the an optimistic mindset and an authentic dating profile that attracts men who are a better match, who cares if a few phone calls don’t align?
If you want to dig deeper into clearing what’s holding you back from true love, I created my Breakthrough To Love Sessions especially for you.
