Lately, I’ve been talking with so many people who are plagued by self-doubt in their love lives. What’s so incredibly frustrating is that these insecurities are preventing them from achieving their most important goals. They’re sabotaging themselves.
Let’s consider the case of Jana, who’s been dreaming of finding a smart, confident, trustworthy guy who truly “gets” her and with whom she can enjoy a really deep level of emotional and intellectual connection. She’s a smart, well-educated, self-aware social worker who is very dynamic and giving.
So you’re probably wondering. . .what’s the problem? Why isn’t she finding her match?
Well, Jana’s doing all the right things. She dates a lot, networks, and puts herself in the right place to meet men, but she gets the same unsatisfying results year in and year out.
She tends to feel a strong connection with the guys in one area, but not another. Usually what happens is that she finds really good guy—an attractive man who is thoughtful and trustworthy—but the intellectual connection is missing.
Jana dated her last boyfriend on and off for two years. He looked great on paper and really wanted to marry her, but she always felt something was missing. He was a quiet guy and never really wanted to enter into conversations with her about the movies they were watching or the things they were doing. These intellectual conversations were really important for her, and she knew it wasn’t going to work out with him, but she stayed.
Why? Because she was riddled with self-doubt.
What was even more frustrating to her was that she knew she had a problem with doubting herself, but she just couldn’t figure out the root of this insecurity and how it connected to her habit of finding good men who couldn’t fulfill her intellectual needs.
Can you relate?
Are you having trouble attracting someone who possesses all of the qualities that matter most to you? Are you starting to feel that maybe you’re being too picky and should lower your standards? Are you at a loss in terms of getting to the essence of these challenges and then dissolving them?
If so, don’t despair.
There are three things you can do right now to start conquering your self-doubt and clearing the path to finding “the one.”
