Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match…
Do you ever wish you had a little help finding love?
While you can use dating sites, many singles wonder if they could save time and energy and just outsource the process.
Ahh…wouldn’t it be nice if you could just order up your perfect match? Most of the time it doesn’t work that way.
Instead, you get “help” from well-intentioned friends and family who set you up on dates.
Or you choose to hire a matchmaker, ranging from high-priced, exclusive services to online matchmaking services with dating coaching options. You might even try a volunteer matchmaker.
Before you invest your money and time on professionals or enlist friends to help, there are a few things you need to know in order to be successful:
1. Have your own inner wisdom and clarity
Sometimes matchmakers make matches that don’t make sense based on one surface thing like the fact that both people are Jewish.
This points to the fact that the matchmaker doesn’t know you. Why not? There’s a chance your inner fears and blockages are preventing you from showing up in a truly vulnerable way.
Matchmakers aren’t mind readers. Their success depends on you being truly ready for marriage—meaning that you’re free and clear of any conscious and unconscious things keeping you from being open and truly vulnerable.
How do you know if something’s blocking you?
Imagine for a moment you have an insecurity—a fear that you’re not pretty enough to find someone successful. Or that your bank account isn’t where it needs to be. Or maybe you’ve experienced rejection in the past and you’re terrified of being hurt again.
All of those things create a closed-off energy that shuts us down, forms hidden walls that repel love, and closes off possibilities.
No matter how much you pay or how much you pray, when those things are involved, matchmakers can’t help.
2. Have a clear vision you can articulate and share
The matchmaker asks you what you’re looking for and you tell her that you’re looking for someone who shares your religion, who is successful, smart, funny and comes from a good family.
But her matches haven’t been quite right.
That’s because you have a list but it’s not the RIGHT list.
Successful, smart, and funny don’t necessarily translate into the deep and meaningful connection you’re looking for.
So instead of focusing on the qualities your future spouse must possess, focus on how you want to feel in your relationship, what your life will look like, your most important values, and how they will play out in your life.
3. Choose wisely
I’ve heard some matchmakers tell clients they need to lose weight or renovate their look in order to find love. Meanwhile, friends and family often suggest singles be less “picky” and give someone a chance (even when the person knows it’s not a match). All of this advice is so disempowering.
If that were true, only pretty, skinny people would get married and be happy—and we all know that’s not the case.
While it’s important to put your best foot forward, it’s even more important to to get inner clarity about who you are and what you need in a relationship.
Once you do, I recommend only working with people who “get it” and “get you”—who you feel safe to share your complete vision and who support you in a way that resonates.
You might have to interview different resources to find that, and say “no thank you” to others. And that includes saying no to unsolicited advice from well-meaning friends and family, too!
It all comes back to you and the work you’ve done to become clear and truly available. Whether you opt for online dating or hire a matchmaker, you need to Be the One to Find the One.
If you’re considering working with a matchmaker, let’s make sure you’re truly ready: free and clear of past baggage, clear on your values, and not letting fear take over.