“The women I meet are so shallow and don’t get me.”
“Why are the men I meet so narcissistic and self absorbed?”
“The women I’m interested in aren’t interested in me.”
“The men I’m not interested in pursue me and the ones I’m intrigued by don’t even notice me.”
Not a day passes without hearing from someone who’s frustrated about continually meeting the wrong people.
To make matters worse, friends and family members are often telling you things like “You’re too picky” or setting you up on dates that don’t really make sense. There’s no rhyme or reason to these matches—other than “You’re a woman, and he’s a man” or “You’re both around the same age and come from the same religious background” or “You’re intellectuals, so give it a try.”
The fact of the matter is that if you find yourself in these kinds of situations you’re probably engaged in unconscious mystery dating.
Let me give you two specific examples of mystery dating.
Susan, a 38-year-old recently divorced mother of a 3-year-old, wants someone different from her ex-husband. She really wants to meet a worldly, educated and successful man who desires a family and embraces her daughter. The problem is that she keeps meeting shallow, self-absorbed guys that leave her feeling upset, frustrated and confused—the same way she felt in her marriage.
David, a 42-year-old computer programmer, is looking to meet someone who really gets him and is caring, compassionate, and genuine. However, he always attracts overly critical women who don’t seem to value him for who he is, and he winds up feeling like he’s just too picky or sensitive. Other times, he feels as though he has to sell himself short.
Both have reasonable requirements, but they’re frustrated—unable to understand why they attract people who make them feel so bad about themselves.
What’s going on under the surface? What’s causing this to happen?
