“The women I meet are so shallow and don’t get me.”
“Why are the men I meet so narcissistic and self absorbed?”
“The women I’m interested in aren’t interested in me.”
“The men I’m not interested in pursue me and the ones I’m intrigued by don’t even notice me.”
Not a day passes without hearing from someone who’s frustrated about continually meeting the wrong people.
To make matters worse, friends and family members are often telling you things like “You’re too picky” or setting you up on dates that don’t really make sense. There’s no rhyme or reason to these matches—other than “You’re a woman, and he’s a man” or “You’re both around the same age and come from the same religious background” or “You’re intellectuals, so give it a try.”
The fact of the matter is that if you find yourself in these kinds of situations you’re probably engaged in unconscious mystery dating.
Let me give you two specific examples of mystery dating.
Susan, a 38-year-old recently divorced mother of a 3-year-old, wants someone different from her ex-husband. She really wants to meet a worldly, educated and successful man who desires a family and embraces her daughter. The problem is that she keeps meeting shallow, self-absorbed guys that leave her feeling upset, frustrated and confused—the same way she felt in her marriage.
David, a 42-year-old computer programmer, is looking to meet someone who really gets him and is caring, compassionate, and genuine. However, he always attracts overly critical women who don’t seem to value him for who he is, and he winds up feeling like he’s just too picky or sensitive. Other times, he feels as though he has to sell himself short.
Both have reasonable requirements, but they’re frustrated—unable to understand why they attract people who make them feel so bad about themselves.
What’s going on under the surface? What’s causing this to happen?
They are dating unconsciously.
They’re attracting the opposite of what they need and don’t know why.
Meet to Marry™’s 3 Tips For Transforming Yourself
Into A Conscious, Successful Dater
1. Know that you attract what you send out.
We often have fears or insecurities about ourselves that are hidden. If we’re aware of them, we think they don’t matter or that we can cover them up.
Ask yourself this question: What is it about me that is causing me to attract certain types of people and experiences?
If you feel insecure about your weight or fear that your bank account isn’t big enough or that you don’t come from the right family, you need to work on letting go of these feelings.
These insecurities can actually be drawing people to you who reinforce these fears!
Allow yourself to experiment with feeling that right now you have everything you need and are perfect as you are.
2. Learn what you truly need in a relationship.
You may have a list of qualities you are looking for in another person, but sometimes you’ve got the wrong list.
The wrong list focuses exclusively (or almost exclusively) on external qualities like financial success.
The right list includes the emotional qualities you need in a partner so that you can feel happy and peaceful.
Assess what you need by asking yourself how you want to feel in a relationship and notice where you are not “being” that way in your own life.
3. Create a powerful, clear vision and express what is true for you.
Conscious singles have a clear vision about the future they want to create, which includes the qualities they need in a spouse. Plus, they are able to confidently articulate this vision to others.
Think about what you want your life to look like and write it down in detail. Think big and expand your vision.
Then express to others what you are looking for and what is true for you, so the introductions you receive will be great matches. Be your authentic self and express your vision because the truth is you only need to meet that one special person and h/she is waiting to meet the real you.
These are the three really important steps that I guided Susan and David through during our private coaching.
Let yourself try taking these steps forward on your meet to marry journey.
If you get stuck or need additional guidance, feel free to leave a comment here, and I’ll try to help you.
Feel the need for a private session with me so that we can get you on your own clear path to love? Book a Breakthrough to Love Session with me.