“If you’re really attracted to someone on an emotional and intellectual level but not physically, what should you do? How do you know whether she’s the right one for you?”

That’s what someone emailed me this week.


Dating truly is confusing. There are so many options and avenues for meeting people, and sometimes you feel like you’re lost in a maze of possibilities without a clear path.

You want to find that right person. You’re doing everything you possibly can to find love, and yet. . .

  • Your dates just aren’t lining up with the ideal vision in your mind.
  • You’re not feeling the way you think you should feel.
  • Sometimes you date people who look sooooo great on paper, but in your gut, you know it’s not right.
  • Other times, you meet someone who seems to have most of what you want, but you find that you’re not feeling the attraction.


You torture yourself because you think you should be attracted to this person because she’s great.

You think. . . .

  • She’s great. I’d be crazy not to go for it.
  • Everyone’s telling me how amazing she is. I should feel something, but I don’t. Something must be wrong with me.
  • If I stop dating her and someone else gets her, I’ll kick myself because now’s my big chance.
  • Everyone’s telling me I’m too picky, but I just don’t feel it.

NEWSFLASH: You absolutely must be physically attracted to the person you’ll marry.


1. Don’t confuse chemical movie star attraction with affinity.

Sometimes you meet someone and you feel like you could be attracted, but sparks aren’t flying.

Society and the media give us flawed messages about how attraction must be like in the movies. . . chemical. . .sparks from across the room…love at first sight.

What happens is that you wind up feeling that if you don’t see fireworks, something is missing.

It’s not—at least not necessarily.

Attraction is an affinity and can be subtler than the media lets on.

If you don’t feel immediate and overwhelming physical chemistry with someone, that doesn’t mean this person isn’t a great match.

Allow yourself to contemplate this question: Can I imagine holding her hand, allowing our physical attraction to develop over time, and then ultimately being physical with her?

2. Attraction is either there or it’s not.

If you don’t feel any attraction (or the possibility of it), trust your gut.

If someone looks great on paper, but you don’t feel it, then rest assured, this is not the person you will marry.

Marriage requires the energy of attraction.

As Manis Friedman says in his book Doesn’t Anyone Blush Anymore?, husbands and wives need the energy of attraction because it’s this dynamic intimacy that keeps the relationship new.

3. Everything will align when you meet the right person for you.

If you’re not attracted to the person you’re dating, know that the right person is out there for him or her and for you.

The key to meeting and attracting the right person is “being the right person” by having the space in your mind, heart and soul and the wisdom to recognize it.  And as people who have lived through this wonderful experience of having it happen will attest, “when it’s right, you’ll know it,” and the old questions and doubt will be a thing of the past.

Create the space—in your heart and in your life—to attract the right person for you—the person to whom you are attracted. . .the one who inspires you, shares your vision and values, and who is out there readying herself for you.


Check out my FREE webinar–the 3 Secret Love Essentials for Meeting and Marrying. . .This Year!