The other morning I was feeding our dogs and something strange happened.

Since each of our dogs has different portion sizes, likes and dislikes and various supplements in their food, I always make sure they each have their own personal space when eating or, like with little kids, they each want what the other has.

Having put down their food in the prescribed order, I walked away and noticed that one of our dogs, Charlie started growling and snarling as though another dog was trying to eat his food. . . . but there was no one near him!

And then I got it! I His bowl was in front of the chrome leg of our dining room table.

Who was he growling at?

His own reflection – – he was growling at himself and he didn’t know it!

Like Charlie, so often we don’t have perspective about ourselves and what’s actually happening in our dating lives. We seem to be so well positioned to find love–we’re single, looking good, successful, out there well networking–and even self-aware from therapy, yoga or meditation. . . but we’re just not getting the results we want and it seems so unfair and baffling at the same time.

In spite of all of the things we’re doing, we still go to sleep alone, wake up alone, have no one to travel with, to attend family events with and sometimes it just seems like everyone else is paired up.

And we wonder “when will it be my time?”

I remember, I was there!

Going back to the story of Charlie eating his breakfast and growling at his own image, I walked over to him, and moved his dish by just 4 inches so he was no longer looking at his own reflection, and voila!

He once again felt happy and secure in his skin.

So today, with 2017 right around the corner, I want to share with you three ways that you, like Charlie, can make some minor adjustments to shift your dating reality so you can meet your beloved.

1. Notice what you might not be seeing about your situation or willing to admit (is fear holding you back?)…

Sometimes there’s something right under our noses that’s getting in the way of finding true love and oftentimes, these these things affect not only our love life, but our work life, our health, or even our vitality. When I was dating, chemical attraction dominated, I dated men who chose me and I always just hoped things would work out. What I wasn’t seeing was that I was in my way, had no plan, kept myself stuck dating men who didn’t want what I wanted and wasn’t taking responsibility for my own experience — out of fear! When I did finally choose to change my life, everything shifted! My experience completely changed — from my attitude to the people I attracted. . . and that led me to meeting and marrying my dream husband Michael more than 13 years ago.

2. Notice where might you be wanting to find someone who is a certain way, but you’re not being that way yourself.

Do you ever notice yourself wanting to meet someone who is warm, generous, and kind yet you’re mystified as to why you’re not attracting people who embody those qualities? I suggest taking a look inward and consciously notice when you’re not being that way yourself. Do you find yourself judging your dates, feeling cynical about the dating scene, or fearful of making a mistake? The answer is that it all starts with us. We attract what we send out and we can’t fake it. In any given situation, ask yourself “am I being the person I want to attract?” and when you notice you’re not, shift it. If you’re being judgmental, consciously choose to be accepting.

3. Notice where you’re looking for solutions outside of yourself (are any “excuses” slipping in?)

Do you sometimes think that maybe if you moved, you’d find better quality people to date? Or think that if you lost 5 pounds, had more money in the bank, were more settled in your career, or [fill in the blank of your “maybe if”] Here’s the good news. You’re perfect as you are, right here, right now and what you want is possible now. You see, you don’t need to change or fix yourself or even move. If you want to make certain changes in your life, great! Set a goal–that’s healthy! But you’re not doing it to fix yourself to so you’ll be worthy of finding true love. Have faith that your perfect match is waiting for you–and with healthy perspectives and committed action you will meet your ideal match soon.