In today’s post, I’m answering a question from a reader that speaks to this question of how to you find out if the person you’re sitting opposite from is marriage minded.
How Do You Know What To Say?
I was introduced to a gentleman whose friend told me is marriage minded. He has all my values, but he has not told me himself that he is marriage minded and I’d like to know. I’d like some tips on how to steer a conversation about this.
Great question! If a friend or acquaintance told you he is marriage minded, but he hasn't, you have to ask him directly for yourself. And his response, combined with his ACTIONS will dictate if he’s someone you want to invest time and attention to--to assess if he could be the one.
The way to find out anything you want to know is to do what I call in Meet to Marry, Share and Ask.
Learn How to Share and Ask
It goes like something this:
"Joe, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you this past week and Janet (my friend) told me we may want the same things--that we share a similar life vision.”
“At this point in my life, after focusing on work and school for years, I'm dating to find the one for me. I'm marriage minded. Finding someone who I can share a deep bond with, and who wants to start a family in the next few years is my vision and goal for 2018.”
“How about you?” “What are you goals for a relationship?”
(Now notice how curious that is? You're not attached to the person being into you and you’re not asking him if he wants to marry you. Nope. You're just sharing and asking.)
Being a person who has that level and clarity and confidence is so attractive. None of that desperate, clock is ticking, needy, impatient energy.
After you ask, listen closely to what he says. If he says clearly that getting married is his goal too, great! If he's not sure or he hesitates or his answer doesn't resonate, trust that there is need to move forward.
A marriage minded person has thought it, prepared for it and is clear that that’s the next logical and natural step for him/her. He/she will share why they’re ready and the lessons they learned. It will fell authentic. Note that words alone don’t cut it. Actions show.
In last week’s post, I answered a question from a reader who asked how not be fooled by people who are emotionally unavailable and seem to be right but end up as disasters. You can read it here.
So if the person says “yes, I’m marriage minded too, you date and continue having meaningful conversations to see how things it it flows with a focus on “could we be right for each other. And when you’re and empowered marriage minded dater it doesn't take very long to find out.