What an exciting week! I was interviewed for the radio show “How To Live Agelessly.” Plus, my 90 Days to Love Formula was viewed by an engaged audience of nearly a thousand–all of them ready to find love now.
One participant asked this question:
“I’m not in my mid 30’s–I’m in my mid 50s. How can a divorced person who is not just starting out find love? I’m having a terrible time out there.”
That gets to the heart of the matter, doesn’t it? With one-third of our Meet to Marry Method™ participants in their 50s and 60s, nearly all ask the same question: “How will it ever happen for me, at my age?”
- Andrea, 56 and divorced, started dating three years ago. Her experience has been beyond dismal–she’s being contacted only by men she wouldn’t even consider. She knows she’s attractive, active, and seems much younger than her real age. Andrea doubts if there are even any decent men out there. “If I don’t meet someone financially solid, cultured, and at my level, I’d rather be alone.”
- When Robert, 54, meets a woman with real potential for a serious commitment, and she expresses interest in moving their relationship to the next level, he always feels she is applying “too much pressure,” too soon. So, he always finds that something “just isn’t right.” His reasoning for his continued singleness? “I just haven’t met the one.”
Is the situation for Andrea, Robert, and so many others as hopeless as it seems? Can you find love over 50, or is it as elusive as a needle in a haystack?
Well, love’s not a needle, and the world is not a haystack. You can find love over 50.
Ever find yourself seeking something, only to discover it right in front of you? You wonder, “how could I not have seen it? I was looking right at it!”
So it is in dating. Dating over 50 can be amazing. Why? Because you will find exactly what you seek, right in front of you, where it’s been the whole time.
Yes, you might long for another place and time, when you were younger, or fitter, or more hopeful. But that’s just not logical. Truth is, your good old days might not have been that good. But your here-and-now has the potential to be very good.
Look right in front of you, where the answer has been the whole time. You can take responsibility for your love life and transform it. First, though, you must have the right foundation. If you find yourself complaining about men, or women, or the dating scene, or dating sites…hear me when I say that your problem is not external.
The heart of the matter is you. You are the one who can clear your baggage (step 1); be the person you want to marry (that’s step 2); and re-boot your dating mindset (step 3).
- Clear your baggage.
- Be the person you want to marry.
- Re-boot your dating mindset.
To find love, you need to clear your inner space. I teach all my clients exactly how to do this.
How do you know when your inner space is cluttered? When you hear yourself saying, “I handled that already,” you haven’t. Your inner space is still cluttered. When you’re not willing to look at things from your past, because it’s too painful, or you’re “done with that.” You’re not done. Your inner space is not yet clear. Or, when you insist that you have achieved complete closure with your past relationships…watch out–your inner space is not yet clear! If it were, you’d already be in the relationship of your dreams.
So how do you know that you still need to clear your inner space of old baggage? Try this simple test:
Imagine you’re in a room with your ex–maybe because you share custody of children, or you’ve run into each other at a social gathering, or you interact through work. Picture all the details of the imagined event; make it feel as real as possible. What’s the situation? Where are you? What time of day is it? Who else is there? What are you wearing?
Now, how do you feel? Imagine your facial expression, the physical feelings in your head and in your belly, the movement of your breath, your body temperature. Put your feelings into words. Say those words aloud or to yourself or write them down. What are the feelings? What are the words that you’ve put to those feelings?
If those words and those feelings are entirely free from anger, regret, sadness, longing, or what-ifs, then you have no more baggage. Your inner space is clear. But be 100% certain. Even a little bit of clutter in your inner space–even just a hint of anger, a tinge of sadness, a moment of what-if–can trip you up.
If you say you’re warm, fun, generous, and loyal, but you’re actually out there scowling and feeling superior, you might wonder why you’re not meeting “high quality” people. It’s because you’re attracting them. Our old baggage and long-time blind spots need to be addressed once and for all. Talking about them, analyzing them–is not the same as addressing them and healing yourself. The universal truth is that like attracts like. Authentic love attracts authentic love. Anger, fear, upset, regret, and disappointment attract…anger, fear, upset, regret, and disappointment.
In a previous post, I shared Joan’s success story. At 53, Joan realized that she’d spent her life dating or in relationships with the wrong men, and she taunted herself with the belief that if only she’d been thinner, prettier, or more successful, she’d find “the one.” Once Joan cleared by baggage–discovered that she was fine exactly the way she was, once she felt comfortable in her own skin, she attracted her man.
If you’re worried you’re not going to find love, or that you can’t find the type of individual you seek, or that she doesn’t exist or he’ll never materialize, or that it would have been easier 10 years ago, then you need to re-boot your dating mindset.
When you are judgmental, or a perfectionist, or pessimistic, you’re actually creating a reality in which you’ll be unable to recognize someone wonderful. Your person is out there waiting for you right now, and all you need is the courage to believe that it’s all possible.
Every single individual on this Earth deserves to find love and connection. So be the person you want to marry. If you say you’re warm, generous, and kind, then live that way. And love–your true love–will come right to you.
Which of the above will you be implementing to change your dating reality? Share your aha’s on the MTM Facebook page or email me personally at bari@meettomarry.com.
