When the Shoe Doesn’t Fit: A True Story

Alexa was dating Mitch. Over 7 months, she grew to love this kind, caring, Christian man. She made room in her life for him. Made room in her heart for him. Made room in her family for him--introducing him to her daughter.

Really, there was nothing wrong with Mitch; he was such a wonderful guy. But still, something wasn’t right. She felt anxious, uneasy, unsure.

Yet, he delayed introducing her to his son. He was frequently unavailable for talks, dates, and mere emotional connection. He said he wasn’t ready to get married again. Alexa remained separated out from the rest of Mitch’s life. Yes, their relationship looked good, but it rubbed her the wrong way.

It was like a shoe that didn’t fit.

You know that pair of shoes you bought a while back that now just sit in your closet? Periodically, you glance at them with unease: “You look great. I was really taken by you when I saw you in the store. But every time I try to wear you, you hurt my feet. You just aren’t the proper fit for me.”

That’s what Alexa was experiencing with Mitch. He’s a great guy...for someone else. He’s not the right fit for her. And, if she listens to her own feelings--she’s anxious, uneasy, unsure--she’ll be able to let go and move on.

With Meet to Marry™ coaching, Alexa realized that she should notice her own emotional needs: She wants (and deserves) secure connection, and to feel like she’s a priority in her partner’s life.

Like Alexa, you must--

  1. Get clear about your needs in a relationship. Your attachment style and your relationship needs are unique. Know what you want, and don’t settle for less.
  2. Share your vision and values when dating. If you don’t, how do you expect to find alignment with another person?
  3. Reject bad advice. “Give him a chance.” “Wait a while...your feelings will grow.” “So, you can’t have everything in a relationship, you know!” Sound familiar? Friends and family often give bad advice. But those attractive-but-ill-fitting shoes will never work for you. Neither will this ill-fitting relationship.

When the relationship is right, it will flow, and you will know.